


If you wander off too far

by kai_samantha



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:38:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7224586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kai_samantha/pseuds/kai_samantha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Maybe it was through those concerned filled eyes that he saw someone which no one could see, not even himself. As funny as it seemed, he got jealous of that person which only Steve could see, wanting the same affection and care that Steve would give to that unknown person in him."</p><p> </p><p>Bucky and Steve were best pals, brothers. They had each other when there was nothing for them. But fate had a wicked sense of humour; thrusting the both of them into war, make them experience more pain and trauma than anyone should have, separating them and making them turn against each other, destroying who they were, who they are, what they had and what they have. Breaking them both physically and mentally, causing great grief among those who cared for them.</p><p> <br/>~~~[Editing]~~~<br/>This story would base on the 3 Captain America movies with extra stuff that I've added and the original story will continue from the end of Civil War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If you wander off too far

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is my first time writing and English is my second language, so thanks for reading and please bear with me!  
> I'd love to know what do you think of my story, so please leave comments. >^

It was raining outside, Cap. was sitting in his living room when he accidentally played a song from his iPod which Tony kindly gave him as a little welcome back gift. The song was slow and mild, unlike the loud teen's Pop songs he sometimes hears. Cap. sat and listened to the lyrics carefully and he was flooded with all the old memories.

'If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.'

Bucky knew very well that when he missed the hand on the freight car, he was going to die. He didn't expect that, he thought that he might die while fighting alongside with Steve, or if he was lucky enough, he could have died of old age. But nothing prepared him for this, he was too young, he still wanted to fight with Steve, beat the crap out of Hydra. When he looked into those brilliant blue eyes and saw the deepest fear and dread, he knew that Steve, his best friend and being the mighty Captain America couldn't save him from his fall. So with the deafening roar of the blizzard wind, he fell into an icy black nightmare and lost himself to the dark, metallic and cruel world. Everything he knew was taken and stripped away from him, leaving him with nothing but a metal arm ad his new name --- the Winter Soldier.

Steve hated himself for not being able to grab Bucky's hand, he hated every second of it when he watched Buck fall, becoming a black dot before vanishing into the white snow, his scream drowned out by the mighty roar of the unforgiving winter wind. Buck fell, yet with his new body and strength, he still couldn't protect Buck. He was still the weak and skinny boy from Brooklyn. That day tore a hole in his heart, the pain that accompanied the hole was so great that even the strongest pain killer couldn't stop it. It ached to the very core, even his limbs were sore from it. When the pain finally stopped for the first time, it was when he crashed his plane and was frozen. He had finally found his resting place where there was no pain and he could die and maybe meet Bucky again in a better place. Steve wanted to die, but with the nation's hope resting on his shoulders, he couldn't let his personal emotions affect him, he had to push them aside. As when the time came, he embraced it, welcoming the darkness and silence.


	2. If the bright lights blind your eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize that how much word-vomit I can come up with when it comes to Steve and Buck. Just thinking back to the movies made me wanna cry so bad.... How can anyone call Bucky a villain?!

Steve's heart ached again when he thought back to when he was under ice for 70 years while Bucky was being taken by Hydra.

'If the bright lights blind your eyes, my love will get you home.'

Bucky could remember faintly when he was being dragged through the snow with his left arm missing, leaving a blood path behind him. Then he was out. When he woke up again, he found himself strapped to an examination table. There were people dressed up as scientists and doctors, with white lab coats and files in their hands, talking to each other in serious tone. The surgical lamp was so bright that it blinded Bucky, bring tears to his eyes and numbing all his senses, everything was so blurry, it was like a dream. Yet confusion crept slowly into him as he had absolutely no idea what was happening or what was going to happen to him. Sometimes when he was out, a sudden surge of pain from his missing arm was so great that it would wake him from his deepest slumber, leaving him drowning in his own sweat and trembling.

While rebuilding his arm, the pain was so intense that it radiated to all parts of his body, stinging and leaving burning trails . His head throbbed with the overwhelming pain, the series of pain gave no room for him to think nor to flee from it. The only thing he could think of was to submit to the pain and die, so he could escape from it once and for all.

Day and night with the company of pain, his metallic arm was being assembled piece by piece, and soon it was complete. During the reformation of his arm, Bucky finally realized that those scientists were no ordinary folks, in fact, they were Hydra's men.His heart sank to the bottom as reality hits him; Steve's and his greatest enemy had him in its palm, and he has no idea what they have planned for him.

The day came quicker than he had excepted, nothing could have prepared him for this. The pain during brainwashing was excruciating like having a giant red hot pole burning and poking away through his head, but what was worse was that they stripped everything which made him-- James Buchanan Barnes, the people he knew, the places he has been to, the things he loved or hated, the little things which were unique to him and made him unique. He could feel the humanly and warm part of him being stolen and kept from him, he tried to fight it yet nothing prevailed.

Bucky was now lost and was not to be found, and now the empty shell of his was given a new name-- the Winter Soldier, the greatest assassin, the most powerful human weapon Hydra has ever created.

The notorious Winter Soldier was only a killing machine, obeying orders without questions, planting the seeds of fear into those who knew his existence, like a thick black curtain trapping everyone in the dark. But once in awhile, deep inside his mind the Bucky Barnes would resurface and put up a fight, trying desperately to regain himself. As this happened once too often, Hydra put him through more brainwashing sections and designed a whole new uniform especially for him; The mask acting like a muzzle, preventing him from communicating freely with anyone; His leather jacket resembling the straitjacket. Everything on him was designed to remind him that he's controlled and owned, even when he was alone.

Over the years with numerous brutal kills and murders, Winter Soldier finally met his match. With heaven's hysterical laughs, Captain America and the Winter Soldier finally crossed paths, both leaving blood trails behind their long forgotten past. Steve, now bearing the heavy weight of being Captain, he had no choice but to confront the man who he knew best as Bucky, as his best friend, as the one he would trust unconditionally with his life. When the face under the mask was reviled, Steve called out "Bucky?" in disbelieve, to his disappointment nothing came forth, not even the slightest hesitation was shown on the Winter Soldier's face, the only response was " Who the hell is Bucky?". They both stared at each other, Steve knew that face, the same face from his childhood, the face of his family. Now it was just a stranger's face. 

Both fought and fought, one trying to kill the other, yet under the cruel joke, Steve never lost hope of rediscovering the brother he trusted most in the killing machine. Steve wouldn't let go, he couldn't let go, not this time, not after all those aching sleepless nights, beating himself for not being able to save Buck.

In the crumbling tower, Steve tried one last time. "You know me." staring into those chaotic blue eyes. The owner of those eyes snapped at him and said: "No, I don't!". As if to cover the shakiness in his voice, he lunges at Steve, attacking him furiously. 

Steve restrained himself from fighting back and was trying his very best to avoid Bucky's moves, his voice now a little desperate yelling: "Bucky, you've known me your entire life. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes..." before he could finish his sentence, Bucky attacked him again shouting "Shut up!"

Steve knew that this could very well be the last time to bring back Buck. Dropping his shield, the shield which meant his very own existence and pride, like a dog showing its neck and belly, Cap. surrendering to the Winter Soldier, with a determined voice, he said: "I'm not gonna fight you. You're my friend!". Even with his attempt Bucky could still care less, lunging at Steve and repeatedly pummelling him, he retorted: " You're my mission! YOU ARE MY MISSION!". As Bucky was about to deliver the final blow, Steve now all bruised and bloodied just looked into the crazy and lost soldier's eyes and calmly said: "Then finish it. 'Cause I'm with you till the end of the line."

The last straw broke, something clicked and stirred in the chaotic and shattered mind of the Winter Soldier. No one has ever shown such trust and faith to him, no one has ever been willing to sacrifice themselves for him. All he ever has known since his transformation was to take cold orders and to kill, putting aside any emotions, numbing all his senses, leaving him with nothing but rage and an empty heart.

He saw himself in those sky blue eyes, and something struck him--he had seen those eyes before, those brilliant and kind eyes. Now they were filled with sadness and grief but without a single hint of fear. Pain and confusion overwhelmed him, his cold wired mind was now a mess, filled with memories of all sort and yet when he tried to grasp them, they would just slip away, like sand slipping through his fingers. Steve watched with growing concern, he had lost him once, is he now going to lose him again? Despite his great concern, he could only watch painfully as those once warm ocean blue eyes now clouded with madness and agony. 

As the building crumbled into the lake, Steve was knocked out of conscious , his body sank to the bottom of the lake. Bucky could have just swum off and completed his mission, but before he knew it, he started maneuvering pass the debris to his enemy. He grabbed Cap. and towed him to the surface, thinking how right it felt but so wrong for him to have saved his target. Maybe it was through those concerned filled eyes that he saw someone which no one could see, not even himself. As funny as it seemed, he got jealous of that person which only Steve could see, wanting the same affection and care that Steve would give to that unknown person in him.

After saving Captain, the Winter Soldier did what he does best, he disappeared. For a few years, he lived normally, even though his memory was still a pile of mess, without Hydra ordering him to kill, he now has more free time. He got himself a few notebook, and during his free time, he would write down every little fragment of memory which came forth, trying not to forget and rediscover the past life of a man called "Bucky". Now without having to kill and become the Winter Soldier, he started to connect to Bucky, little by little, memories of him and Steve reappeared, their time back in the army, back when they were still young where Steve was still the skinny boy who would pick a fight with much larger guys. These memories made him feel normal, made him feel like he had a life like no other and he embraced every moment of it. He would change nothing and give everything for these priceless memories and friendship.

Yet something was missing, something was wrong. Deep down he knew that no matter how much memory he regains, he won't be the same. This gave him chills, deep into his bones, he wanted so badly to become "Bucky", to have a normal life where people would love him, would give him affection, make every day a memorable one, and in return, he would do the same. Nothing would work now, being brainwashed for so long and so many times, he didn't know how to feel. He is afraid. The mighty Winter Soldier was afraid of his own feelings. For so long he could only remember the feeling of emptiness and rage as he was assigned to kill and undergo unbearable treatments and training. If he was to let his emotions run free during those dark and gruesome years, he wouldn't have survived. Only by concealing himself from reality thus, he could make it through another dreadful day.


	3. CH.3 When there's only you to blame (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry that this had taken me forever ...... I went on holiday and got pretty sick, and I was also busy sorting out school stuff and working and got sick again.....  
> I'm working on part 2 as fast as I could so hopefully it won't be long before I'll get it done.  
> As always thanks for spending time reading my work and feel free to leave comments so I know what should I improve or which part you like best.

Bucky had nothing. No name, no identity, no home, no family. He was a ghost, drifting through towns, cities and countries, leaving no trace of his existence. Even with his old and broken memories popping up once in awhile, he has yet to understand whom he was, why Steve would go so far to save him... There are so many questions that needed answers.

In order to find his answers, he thought he'd pay the Smithsonian Museum a little visit. Where better to start with everything people know about Captain America?

Keeping a low profile, combining with his assassin skills, he blended in without the slightest trouble. As he entered the Museum, he was not struck by the grandness of the place nor all the amazing exhibitions of Steve like any ordinary folks would. As his first instinct was to locate all the exits and entrances, all the guards' position and any other important information in case he decides to make an escape. Then he realized that it was Hydra's Soldier creeping into and showily regaining control of his mind. A sudden shriek of panic swallowed him, making his breath shorten and shallow as if he was suffocating. His body all tensed, his stomach turned and twisted. As if he was bracing himself for battle, he remained still for minutes. Heart beating so hard that he could feel it in his temple. All the things around him went fuzzy, like a mist of thick fog engulfed him. The only thing he could feel or hear was his thumping heart. Then he heard children's cheerful screams and laughter in the distance, slowly , he followed the noise as they guided him out of the fog maze, everything seemed to have regained their color and vibe. That's when he realized that he was under a panic attack, as Bucky Barnes was fighting the Winter Soldier in his head. The fear of turning into the Winter Soldier made him lightheaded, he had to find a bench to sit down and regain his strength. He didn't realize that he was shivering and sweating like he was in shock. During his rest, he murmured :" I'm Bucky Barnes. I'm Bucky Barnes....." over and over to himself as if to reassure that he was not the monstrous soldier.

Shortly after regaining his strength and was no longer lightheaded, he began to explore the rich yet sad history the museum has to offer. The majority of the exhibition were about Captain America and his battles, but once in awhile, he would see his name pop up here and there, as little proves of his existence, and not his imagination. He followed the crowd like a lost puppy, not knowing where to go and where he belonged . Then the crowd stopped at a large display. The large screen was showing a photo of him, or the man who he used to be , with writings on either side of the photo describing who he use to be. He stood motionless, gazing at the photo. That was him, but it wasn't him. They both shared the same features, but in the photo, he looked more alive, beaming with energy and hope even with a serious look. But looking at himself now, he is nothing more than a shattered shell, worn out and torn, tiredness filled his eyes. Even being the same person in the flesh, he felt disconnected, the man in the photo seemed so far away, even if he tried, he couldn't reach the other him. Shifting his gaze on to the words, he read them out in silence to himself as he did, his heart tugged with slight pain, it was so faint but he couldn't ignore it.

" Best friends since childhood. Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were inseparable in school yard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country." There was also a recording being played where he was standing, giving visitors a brief description of Bucky Barnes and how he had inspired Steve to become a great person and hero. Every word sounded ironic to Bucky, how could a killer be the inspiration of such a heroic person and the symbol of bravery and hope? How could he be best friends with Steve when he doesn't even deserve to walk the very lands where he spilt the blood of the innocence? His metal arm now itching, wanting to smash everything in his sight, destroying the irony. Somehow he managed to constrain himself and carried on to other parts of the exhibition.

As he learnt everything the museum has to offer, it was near the closing hour. He walked out of the front door with his back facing the warm yellow light from the museum, with one last look, he slowly walked into the chilly night.

He turned his back and thought of never setting foot on the same land where Steve was, where he grew up. He turned and gathered the little belongings he had and secretly settled in Bucharest, Romania. He kept everything low key, keeping a safe distance from people, no matter who they were, trying to keep anyone from recognizing him.

He enjoyed the slower-paced of life here, looking out of his window from his little run-down apartment, watching people running from one place to another, selling things from their stands. Both New York and Bucharest buzzed with life as their residents carrying out their daily routines. But Bucky liked Bucharest more, the pace of life is slower than that of N.Y, giving him room and time to think and adjust to his new life, but most of all it gave him the much-needed isolation, from both people and his past. In Bucharest, he didn't need to worry about turning into the Winter Soldier and attacking people, he could now enjoy some peace and quiet which he hadn't been able to have for over half a century.

But sometimes he would wake up from his dreams to find himself covered in tears and shaking. He would dream of his missions and he could see the horror on those faces, he could still hear them scream and beg him not to kill them, he could still smell and taste the blood in the air and feel the warm blood dripping from his hands. He felt sick, his stomach would twist and turn, making him vomit. His limbs would go cold, face pale as if he had seen a ghost, sweat beaming from his brows and back, dampening his clothes and bed. He would curl into a ball, try to forget about the world and the rest of it. He would weep while rocking himself back and forth, like a scared child in a thunderstorm, unable to pull himself together. He would cry and cry until he drifts back into his slumber or yet another nightmare.

One day when he was out to buy some plums, as he had read that they help with memory and at this point, he would try literally anything to regain as much memories as possible. As he was walking towards the newspaper stand when he glimpsed at the headline, all of a sudden, pain and horror gripped him as he saw there was a terrorist bombing in Vienna, injuring and killing hundreds, and everything was pointing towards the Winter Soldier. As he stared at the newspaper with disbelief and horror, the owner of the stand seemed to have recognized him as the suspect, and with the same level of horror, he stumbled and ran to the back of the stand to make a call. Bucky knew that his time was running out, he pulled his cap even lower, shielding his face and tugged his chin to his chest. He walked fast, but not too fast that he would be attracting unwanted attention as he hurried back to his apartment.

On the other side of the world, Steve was also shocked by the attack as it has killed may of the world's leaders. He called Natasha, who was comforting prince T'Challa. Natasha told Steve that he should go home and stay out of this as this could end unpleasantly involving Bucky. Steve would have listened to her advice, but when it involved Bucky, he couldn't help himself but go after him. Sam on the other hand also said to him that Bucky is not the ones you save, but the ones you stop. Steve never thought what would cost him and the consequences it would cause for him to save Bucky. He knew that Bucky was no friend nor foe; he knew that Bucky doesn't want to hurt anyone but yet he is still dangerous with all the combat and assassination skills. Now with the Avengers and the governments hot on Bucky's heel, Steve has to act fast.

When Bucky finally got back to his apartment, he was shocked and alarmed to find Steve standing in his living room, going through his stuff. Bucky wasn't sure what was Steve going to do, in their past encounters he acted like an old friend, but now with the Captain America suit on and him being the prime suspect, Bucky couldn't help but think that Steve was after him.

Steve just can't help but notice a few things when he got inside Buck's apartment, everything was dilapidated, the mattress was on the floor, not even a single bed was there. All Steve could think of was that Bucky had taken shelter in such a poor conditioned place was like a little punishment for himself, living on a small sum of money and without full meals, with nothing in the flat for him to call a home. Steve felt sorry and regret, it has never occurred to him that Bucky would be living in such condition. If he had asked for help, Steve would help without hesitating. But after all the incidents, it was unlikely that Bucky would let down his guard and go knocking on his door for help. What pained Steve the most were the notebooks, he saw them lying on top of the fridge and couldn't resist the temptation to read them, even though it was against his moral. In one of those books, he saw a photo of himself all geared up and other memories Buck has regained, some were the happier ones, some were more disturbing than others. Steve read through them one by one quickly, and before long he heard footsteps coming closer to the door and the sound of the door unlocking. As he turned he saw the man the world was after.

There were a thousand questions that he wanted to ask , but the only thing he could say was "You pulled me from the river, why?" He saw uncertainty on Bucky's face as he shifted with unease before answering "I don't know." "Yes, you do." Steve was about to say something else when Sam interrupted, informing that the S.W.A.T team is closing in. Just as Sam finished, a window broke then a tear gas grenade came flying through the broken window, landing between Steve and Bucky. The super soldiers sprang into action, without communicating, they worked with incredible accuracy. Their every move was so synchronized that it was more of a dance between them than a fight. They looked out for each other's back, like back in the days. But a fight was a fight, after all, at some point Bucky was standing in front of his fridge, being targeted and shot at, he braced himself for the bullets to hit him, even killing him. At the last second, Steve threw himself in front of Bucky, using his body and shield to shield Bucky from the shots. Bucky was still bracing, but the expected pain never came. As he opened his eyes he saw Steve's soft golden hair right in front of him, then he realized that Steve has shielded him. Never in a million years had he thought that Steve would do that, risking his life to save his. His heart pounded hard and fast, part of it was due to the intense combat action, but the rest was caused by an emotion so powerful and unfamiliar that Bucky thought that his heart would pop right out from his chest. The feeling was so frightening yet satisfying, unlike anything he had experienced before.

The emotion was gone as suddenly as it came, as a few moments later Steve was the one being shot at. Bucky without think threw himself in front of Steve and drawing his shield closer. As the fight continued, there was no doubt something was between them, something that can't be explained by plain words. Something ran deep down between them, they knew each other's moves, they could anticipate the next move without breaking a single word. It was like they have done this their whole life. Their each breath each step was like a routine embedded in their brains, a routine that predated any bond or relationship, it runs in their veins, every heart beat was a living prove of it.


	4. CH.3 When there's only you to blame (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I know that I'm a very very slow writer and I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting for so long.  
> As always I'm very greatful for all the reads and comments, hope you'll enjoy this chapter.  
> So without any further dues here's the chapter!!!!

As the number of armed men kept increasing, the two super soldiers can't help but feel overwhelmed, too many of them against too few of them in this tiny flat. Then out of a sudden, Bucky did something unexpected, he punched through the wooden floor boards and dragged out a small backpack then threw the bag out of the window onto the roof of a nearby building. He then resumes the battle with the S.W.A.T. team. He was becoming more of the ruthless soldier by the seconds, Steve observed while fighting, and as Bucky made his way to the staircase, Steve couldn't hold his tongue any longer, he shouted: "Try not to kill anyone!" in hopes that Bucky could regain some control of himself. It was ironic that while everyone wanted to kill Bucky, it was very natural for him to do the same, but Steve's voice was like a needle as it injected some sense back to the rage filled mind of his. Even though he wanted so bad to kill all of them and most likely he could, Steve's voice acted like his conscience , stopping him from doing whatever he intended to do. 

But as the staircase was filled with even more S.W.A.T. team members, Bucky had no choice but to retreat back into his complex . Out of the blue, he dashed with his inhumane speed, going past Steve and going through a window. It was no doubt a death-defying jump as he dived out of the building he was in and onto the rooftop of the same building he has flung his backpack on. He broke his fall with a roll and swiftly regain his footing. He turned and looked at the window of his flat and saw Steve looking right at him, without signalling Steve he grabbed his bag which was nearby and ran. He knew that those men were only after him so Steve should not be in any serious danger and no matter what Steve would always find a way to get back to him. He thought that he was running away from trouble, but little did he know, trouble finds him.

The sun was behind Bucky which cast his shadow in front of him as he ran with incredible speed across the roof. Suddenly he could see a shadow near his and the shadow magnified with alarming rate to what appears to be a man's figure. He turned and tried to get a better glimpse of the owner of the shadow when the man attacked him from behind, sending them both rolling with the immense force when he landed on Bucky.

It was only a brief moment when the two of them stopped tumbling, the attacker slid a few feet but with both feet firmly on the ground while Bucky managed to get off his back and faced him. Bucky had no idea of who the attacker was, but one thing was sure, this man is after him because of what happened in Vienna. The man was garbed in a black tight-fitting suit with pointed nobs on his head piece which looked like a pair of animal ears. He was a big muscular guy, but he gave Bucky an uneasy feeling as his instincts screamed at him about how dangerous the man was. And his instincts were right. During their intense fight, Bucky got kicked and was sent flying, slamming into one of the air conditioning ventilation units, causing the metal to cave in behind him. The kick and crash forced the air out of his lungs, but before he could fill his lungs with air again, the man used his claw-like extended fingertips to claw at him like a panther or a tiger would. When Bucky saw those claws coming straight at his face he was legitimately scared, as he pulled away at the very last moment when those claws sliced into the metal where only seconds ago where his face was. It was a very close call, he had never seen anything like this before, what's more, was the fact that even with his enhanced body and metallic arm combining with all the Winter Soldier experience he could not gain an upper hand. The entire fight he was trying to fend off the attacker, he was the underdog. 

Soon after this close encounter, he found himself on his back with those wicked claws striking at his face again, he grabbed a piece of metal bar lying near him to block the attack, the force of the attack was so great that even with his powerful metal arm he found it hard to keep the bar and those claws away from his face. Then those claws sliced through the bar like it was some warm butter, he threw aside the metal bar now in half and grabbed the man's hands by the wrist at the neck of time as those razor-sharp talons were only a few inches away from his face. As the man pushed his hands downwards, a chopper came insight. The gunman on the chopper fired rounds at both of them, but to both Bucky's and the gunman's surprise, the bullets were useless against the man as they just bounced off him, leaving no trace of shot holes on him. The man turned and faced the chopper, Bucky seized the opportunity to escape. He kicked with all his might sending the man tumbling to the side, got onto his feet, grabbed his bag and ran. As he ran for his life he had a bitter laugh to himself, he was always the one who people ran away from, no one has ever challenged him to this point where he was like some defeated beast that had to flee. No one, not even when facing all the Avengers. Now he was no more powerful than those ordinary citizens.

The chase resumed as they headed down into a tunnel filled with traffic, Steve was worried sick when he saw the man attacking Buck and he can't fight him off, but as he finally got out of the flat and caught up with them, his uneasiness grew. He and Bucky could no doubt outrun some of the passing by vehicles, but the black suited man managed to keep up the pace and stayed tightly behind Bucky. He had never encountered anyone with the superhuman physique like Bucky or he does, it was very unsettling to know that even with their reformation, there are still humans out there that could compete with them. Sam also joined the chase as well, helping Steve to shake off the all-black pursuiter. Soon they got to the end of the tunnel, with Bucky still in the lead, he managed to detonate a bomb, blasting the roof of the tunnel in hopes of that it would cave in and trap his pursuiter. Steve saw the explosion and made a run for it while Sam flung the man towards the caving tunnel mouth hoping that it would stop him, but the pursuiter went straight through the debris and tackled Bucky who was already outside of the tunnel. The both of them came rolling and tumbling out of the tunnel as large pieces of concrete crumbled and plummeted to the ground, closing up the tunnel's mouth. Steve managed at the last moment to exit the tunnel, and he saw Bucky lying on the ground defenceless while the pursuiter tries to attack him. He was not going to let anything happen to HIS Bucky, he dashed and tackled the man by his waist, knocking him over and away from his pal.

Bucky and the man got back onto their feet as they prepared for another round of assault, just then War Machine came flying in and landed between the man and the super soldiers with Repulsor beams aiming at both parties, while he held them in place, the force team surrounded them. Steve raised his hand and held it just in front of Bucky, it was an unintended move as he instinctively tries to protect Buck by making him stay behind him while he was on the fire line. Bucky felt a sense of satisfaction as he saw Steve stepping up for him, but he also hated him risking himself to protect him, it made him feel weak and useless, unworthy of fighting alongside Steve.

All the men were being stripped from their suits and weapons, that was when they finally found out that the pursuiter was the prince of Wakanda--T'Challa, the mighty warrior and protector of his country.  
The bunch of them were being taken back to base in Berlin, while Steve and the rest of them were being kept in different rooms, Bucky was being kept in a tiny isolating container, being strapped to a chair with electricity zapping him every few seconds, malfunctioning his arm.  
No one had faith nor trust in Bucky, for everyone who knew what he had done and saw the security video were convinced that he was guilty of the terrible crime, and no one gave second thoughts about the whole situation. Everyone except Steve. Bucky knew that he could rely on him, he had to rely on him. He saw that Steve would literally do anything for him, from becoming a fugitive to risking his life for him. Steve was the last hope for him, he was the only one who could keep him alive and wants him to be alive. It made him feel helpless like a hatchling nesting high up on a branch, with no means to protect himself from anything that could harm him. But to his own surprise, he actually likes the idea of having someone he could count on and trust, even though he wouldn't admit it. It felt normal and humanly, giving him a jolt of joy and hope. He appreciated it silently, hiding and storing these precious moments deep inside , concealing himself from anyone who tries to peek into his chaotic mind.

Steve could only watch his friend being taken away again, and this time, he still couldn't do anything to prevent it. He loathed himself for being so useless, again and again, he watched Bucky slipped away from his hands, nothing good has ever happened to his friend, he doesn't deserve to go through so much pain and misery. Steve watched closely at the monitor displaying Bucky's situation. His gaze was so intense, he hardly blinked. If he could break the walls and burn holes with his gaze, he would be by Bucky's side by now, instead of standing here pathetically staring at the screen. He wanted so bad to punch his way out to his friend, it took him a great deal of self-control to not to do that. Rage and regret boiled in his veins, the feelings so strong that he felt like he was being burnt and drowned with boiling hot water, suffocating him. The grim and dark side which no one knew was clawing and scratching his heart and mind, the itch and pain were unstoppable and he wanted to smash things to make the feelings stop. But he held himself from giving in. 

A doctor was called into the room to examine Bucky, he sat behind a table just opposite where Bucky was held captive. The doctor started talking and asking questions, but mostly Bucky just grunted or ignored him. "So.....James....."the doctor was just saying when Bucky snapped at him and said, "My name is Bucky.". Steve heard clearly what he'd just said, his heart skipped a beat, his boiling fury subsided, a warm fuzzy feeling like a gentle summer's breeze blew across his chest, blowing away the scorching heat and mellowing out into a nice summer's eve, lifting his spirit. Steve was so proud and relieved that HIS Bucky had come back, knowing that Bucky had accepted who he was and was willing to try and take on the same path after all he has gone through made Steve even more grateful for Bucky's recovery and sacrifice.  
The interrogation continued, but Bucky had this uneasy feeling about the doctor, he felt as if the doctor was trying to be someone he wasn't and was plotting something. His uneasiness increased as the doctor started to say things about his past and trying to make him talk, he didn't want to talk, especially not to the doctor. Then Bucky's worst nightmare came to life, during a sudden power cut the doctor took out a red book and started reading, the words all too familiar. The doctor took his time in reading those words out loud, Bucky flinched at the first word as he knew too well to what was going to happen. He tried to tear himself free from the binding chair he was in and find a way to block out the dreadful words drifting into his ears. The words continued to spill out from the doctor's mouth, he couldn't help but beg for the doctor to stop as it was not going to end well, it has never ended well. But everything was too late, with every word he could feel the abominable soldier resurfacing, reclaiming every part of his mind as he made his way out. Bucky could feel himself losing control over his body and mind, his conscience being peeled off and stripped from his core; being forced to become the one everyone hated and dreaded, but the worst of all was he would be trapped inside himself, watching everything the soldier was commanded to do at the back of his mind and couldn't do a thing against it, not even lifting a finger without receiving orders to do so. He felt alienated, like a freak filled with blind rage but was powerless to take back his body and mind and push it back even if he wanted to.

Steve's joy died out as quickly as it came as he saw Bucky's distress as the doctor read to him. He saw Bucky grit his teeth, breathing hard, attempting to control himself. Bucky's reactions towards the doctor's words were frenzied as if he was trying to get away from those words of venom. At that time he didn't know what was happening exactly , but he knew something was very wrong. He could feel the Bucky he knew slipping away. Then it all became clear, the Winter Soldier was reactivated and went on a rampage to cover up Zemo's escape as he ordered. 

In those deep-set eyes were a sense of sadness and loath that came from Steve's greatest regret and the powerless of himself. The underlying misery mixing with rage and concern and other unreadable emotions stirred within his eyes, like a storm brewing in the ocean, ready to engulf anything in its path, tearing them apart and swallowing them whole. His heart pounded hard against his rib cage, so forceful that he thought his ribs were going to break as the pounding continued. The first thought that came to him was to hunt Zemo down and make him pay for the pain he caused, he wanted him to feel the agony that Bucky was being put through. He wanted to avenge his pal, wanted nothing more but to make him suffer slowly and painfully like Bucky did all those years ago. The thought was so satisfying that made him shiver, he is now twisted, he was no longer the pure and saint Captain America, the angelic poster boy of America. He is now on the path of becoming the fallen one, wings splattered with blood and darkness, staining those pure white feathers. But he could care less, he wanted it, he didn't want to be the good boy who can't save and protect those who he loved, if that's the price it takes, he's more than happy to pay.

Chaos and terror broke out like wildfire at the base, people scrambling to safety, hoping that the Winter Solider won't come after them. The Avengers sprang into action, all aiming to stop the soldier before things got out of control and try stopping him from killing anyone. Tony, Natasha, T'Challa and also Sharon confronted the brutal soldier, but they were no match for the superior strength and skills the soldier has. The soldier managed to ditch them and went climbing the stairs that lead o the helicopter pad where there was a helicopter standing by.  
Steve knew that when the soldier was reactivated, his first move was to find a quick escape, and the closest thing that he could get was the helicopter waiting on the roof. So without any hesitation, Steve headed straight towards the helipad where he was sure to find the escaping soldier. As he broke through the door that leads to the pad, he saw Bucky had just taken off, without thinking he dashed with inhuman speed and in the neck of time he got hold of the crane. He tried to hold the chopper in place but even with his super-human strength he was being dragged along the roof as the soldier was trying to fly off. Steve found himself at the edge of the roof only a step or two from a plummeting death, yet he kept holding on like his life depended on it. One thing for sure, his life did depend on getting Bucky back; Bucky was the only thing that he could relate to, the one that he could call brother and family, no one had the same bond which they had, not even the Avengers which Steve also felt deeply for. Bucky was now the only one that linked him to his past, to his childhood and to his adulthood, to everything he cherished and known. After waking up in this new and unfamiliar world, he was more than relieved that he found Buck, he was no longer alone and he didn't feel like he was an outcast with nothing for him to hold on to in this new and terrifying world which he was being thrust into. Bucky is his life vest, helping him through the treacherous seas and storms he had gone through, giving Steve a sense of hope and feeling of home which he craved deeply.

As the chopper kept moving away from the building's roof, Steve held the crane with one hand and the rail on the edge of the roof with the other. His muscles bulging, veins popping up, knuckles turning white, he had never pushed his new body to the limit before but he knew that even with his super body this was close to its limits. His whole body screamed in agony, beads of sweat rolling down from his forehead and his neck into his shirt, yet he still hadn't let go. It didn't matter if he had to hold a helicopter down with his bare hands, attempting the impossible or possibly be torn apart by the leaving chopper, he simply just can't let go.  
The black haired Soldier stared at Steve through the cockpit window, he held his gaze for a moment unable to decide what to do or what the blond man wanted. The uncertainty faded away as he found himself being held back for far too long, without a gun or a weapon or a way to break free, he decided to tilt the chopper and crash it into the blond man who held him in place, hoping that it would injure him severely or even killing him. 

The blades crashed and sliced into the concrete roof, digging up pieces of concrete and sending them flying in all the directions. Steve was inches away from those powerful sharp blades, he rolled and avoided them and got away with a few scratch, small droplets of red seeped out from the cuts and scrapes, but he was okay. He was very lucky that he got away with only minor cuts and scrapes, as for Bucky he wasn't doing so well. As the impact of the chopper crashing into the hard surface, Bucky must have knocked his head on to something which caused him to pass out. The chopper was now lying precariously on the edge of the roof, swaying slightly when there was a breeze, then it started to tilt and slide back gradually picking up the pace and with gravity pulling it closer and faster every second, the chopper plunged into a river near the building with a huge slump and slowly making its descent into the bottom of the river.

Steve got up just in time to witness the fall of the chopper and was gripped by horror as he didn't see Bucky exiting the cockpit. He got up and sprinted to the edge and saw the dark haired man still strapped into his pilot seat when it crashed into the river. Without a second thought, he leapt off the roof and headed straight for the chopper. Seconds later Steve hit the water right next to the chopper, the impact knocked some of the air out of his lungs but he didn't resurface to regain a full breath before he made his was to the ruined cockpit. Bucky was still trapped inside the cockpit, his body was swaying as water currents pulled and tugged him, his head hung low, his long hair covered his face like a black curtain. Steve quickened his stroke as he hurried to free the lifeless man and towed him back to the surface. With all the gear he was wearing combining with the extra weight of the absorbed water he was having a hard time to keep both of them above water yet he persisted. He gave himself a bitter smile as this reminded him of his fall and being saved by the Winter Soldier, everything was so familiar, even though he could not remember exactly what happened but there was no doubt that it was the Winter Soldier who had saved him. That was the moment which gave him hope that his friend was not lost forever, that he could still be found.


	5. Chapter 5

Announcement!   
I am taking down the story because I have too many things I want to edit and add, so if you guys still want to read the newest version please leave a comment and I'll let you know ASAP.  
Sorry for the crappy chapters and slow updates and now this, but I really want to make this a better story.  
As always thank you for spending time reading and supporting me.  
Hope to see you guys soon!!


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